Yo Mama
by Mercy'sFoundaWayforMe
Summary: Yo mama jokes invade Hogwarts.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I don't even own the yo mamma jokes. I found them online. That's how sad I am. **

**I'm also considering doing a pick-up line story thing like this so if you think I should please tell me or something. Thanks (:**

Chapter 1

_Yo mama's so fat that the Sorting Hat put her in all four houses!_

"Potter!" Draco Malfoy shouted during herbology. "Yo mamma's so fat that the Sorting Hat put her in all four houses!" Harry looked as if he wanted to strangle Malfoy, the only things keeping him back were Ron and Neville restraining him. The Slytherins were laughing their butts off, (although it wasn't even a particularly clever 'yo mamma' joke). A great deal of Gryffindors were just pissed, but a few who actually knew what a "yo mamma" joke was wanted to kick Malfoy's sorry little butt. Just as Hermione was about to do something, Professor sprout walked in the room. The trio glared at Malfoy, and Ron mouthed, "This isn't over you slimy git,"

_Yo mama's so ugly, even a dementor wouldn't kiss her!_

"We need something epic to get back at Malfoy," Harry said, as the trio walked towards the Great Hall. And who did they bump into but Draco Malfoy. Just as he was about to say something, Hermione cut him off, "Malfoy I heard yo mamma's so ugly, even a dementor wouldn't kiss her!" Harry and Ron just stared at each other in surprise; they didn't know she had it in her!

"Oh it's on…" Malfoy growled as whipped out his wand, but before he could do anything, the doors to the Great Hall opened, the stream of students leaving engulfing them.

_Yo mama's so old, she used to babysit Dumbledore._

The twins and Lee was down a hall when they heard it. "HEY MUGGLE-LOVERS!" The twins turned around, tense and ready to pounce on the first person they saw. "I heard yo mamma's so old, she used to babysit Dumbledore," Malfoy said with a smirk. "ARRHHHHHHH" The twins yelled a war cry type of thing as they jumped on Draco, and started beating him up.

"No one,"

"Insults our mum" They said in that awesome way of theirs. It took McGonagall threatening to take away their Quidditch rights for that year to get them off Malfoy, and even then they looked like they wanted to murder him. Despite the fact he now had a black eye, a bloody nose and a couple missing teeth, he was grinning as he walked towards the medical ward. Insulting the Weasleys would never grow old…

_Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Sirius Black is a hip hop station on satellite radio._

The Slytherins and the Gryffindors were in the potion room, waiting for Snape who was surprising late. "CRABBE!" Harry yelled, taking advantage of the fact Snape was gone. "Yo mamma's so stupid, she thinks Sirius Black is a hip hop station on the satellite radio." The Gryffindors were the ones laughing this time, and even some of the Slytherins were laughing. Crabbe just looked at Harry, not totally understanding what had just happened.

"Uh... what's a satellite radio?" He asked stupidly. Harry and Ron just looked at him, and burst out laughing, and even Hermione was giggling. Snape chose that particular moment to walk into the room.

**And that's it (: Until next time, CONSTANT VIGILANCE :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**OK so, quite surprisingly, I've found that people actually think this story is funny, which pleases me immensely. A special thanks to Dithinus for reviewing (:**

**Disclaimer: All of you should know I don't own Harry Potter. Those who didn't, I'm sorry to burst your bubble. I am also sad to admit that I don't in fact, own the yo mamma jokes either.**

Chapter 2

_Yo mama's so ugly that the Whomping W__illow saw her and died._

"Hey Gred!" Fred shouted at his brother. "Huh?" his other half said looking up from whatever he and Lee were working on. "Yo mama's so ugly the Whomping Willow saw her and died. BURN" "Forge…" George said with a slow drawl as he tried to walk menacingly towards his brother. That wasn't working to well. He ended up tripping over a random first year sprawled out on the floor. "Bloody hell!" He shouted in pain.

While George was on the floor and Fred was doing a little victory dance, Lee thought of something. "Hey Fred, since you and George are twins, if you insult his mom, then aren't you insulting YOUR mom too?"

"Oh…"

_Yo mama's so stupid she thinks Patronus is a kind of Tequila._

The 'yo mamma' jokes were rapidly spreading around Hogwarts, and even friends started using them on each other, not seriously meaning the things they said about other people's mothers. Even the golden trio got into the spirit of things.

"Yo Ron."

"Whats up mate?"

" Yo mama's so stupid she thinks Patronus is a kind of Tequila."

"You did not just…"

"Oh but I did," Harry cut Ron off, smirking.

The two boys began arguing, and insulting each other when Ron asked, "Wanna take this outside?"

"We ARE outside,"

"Oh. Wanna take this inside?"

"NO" and with the two friends fell on the ground laughing.

_Yo Mama's so fat, her Patronus is a Double-Whopper with Cheese._

"Goyle?" Goyle stared at Crabbe for a while, then responded.

"What?"

"Yo Mama's so fat, her Patronus is a Double-Whopper with Cheese." Draco happened to be passing by when Crabbe said that, and could not believe it! Crabbe had made an actual joke. He shook his head and kept walking.

"Uh Crabbe?"

"Yeah?"

"What's a Double-Whopper with Cheese?" Crabbe just stared at him, unable to believe Goyle didn't know what a Double-Whopper was.

"It's a hamburger. A giant one. With two patties and a bunch of lettuce, tomatoes and onion. And cheese. Lots of cheese," Unsurprisingly, Goyle had started drooling at the thought.

_Yo mama's so nasty, the Forbidden Forrest was named after her._

Right after a particularly tough Quidditch practice the twins and Oliver Wood were in the changing room. "Hey Wood?" one of the twins said.

"Yeah?"

"Yo mama's so nasty,"

"The Forbidden Forrest was named after her." The other twin finished.

"WEASLEYS" Oliver shouted, chasing the twins out of the changing room, his broom in hand.

**And thus we conclude the end of chapter two (: I realized after reading this chapter, that I used 'shouted' all the time. This was because I felt 'screamed' wasn't manly enough. I'm not sure when I'll be able to get the next chapter up, but probably not for a couple days. I might be able to get it up sooner, we'll see. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I am ashamed to admit that I did not come up with the yo mama jokes on my own. I don't own Harry Potter either but we all know that belongs to the brilliant J.K Rowling.**

Chapter 3

_Yo mama's so old, her boobs look like two upside down Sorting Hats!_

"You know Gred, I think it's about time we give Malfoy a little pay back,"

"Exactly what I was thinking Forge,"

Later that day in one of the halls, Fred and George set their plan into action.

"Hey Malfoy!" one said.

"We have something for you," the other continued, his arm out-stretched, holding a small vial.

"What is that?" He asked suspiciously, but immediately wished he hadn't.

"This is one of our more clever inventions,"

"It makes the drinker look years younger."

"We thought you might want to give it to your mum,"

"Because yo mama's so old, her boobs look like two upside down Sorting Hats!"

"AAAARGHHHHHH" Malfoy yelled, running towards the twins when,

"Stupefy!" Both the twins said, pointing their wands towards Malfoy. He fell to the floor unconscious.

"I think that takes care of that,"

"Yup,"

_Yo mama's so fat, she used the invisibility cloak as a bib._

The trio was sitting in the common room when Hermione did the unexpected.

"Harry, yo mama's so fat, she used the invisibility cloak as a bib," Ron and Harry just stared at her.

"Hermione, did you just make a joke?" Ron asked, not quite believing what she just said.

"Never mind him," Harry said, proud she made a joke, "He's a royal git."

"Mhm," was all Hermione mumbled, already gone back to her potions essay.

**Alright sorry for the short chapter. I'll do a longer one next update to make up for it (: And there's a poll on my profile, to see which mini story/joke you guys like so far. So if you readers could do that for me it'd really help me decide what kind of stories to do in the following chapters. And thank you EmoNekoNinja, Tiffany-Taz and Dithinus for reviewing. It made my day (: **


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you Dithinus for being such a faithful reviewer (: **

**Disclaimer: This saddens me a great deal, but I don't own the yo mama jokes. I don't own Harry Potter either but that was probably assumed.**

Chapter 4

_Yo Mama's so ugly, everybody calls her "She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Naked"_

"Oi Fred!" Fred's heart quickened at Angelina's voice, and a weird almost mushy sort of grin started forming.

"Yeah?"

"Yo Mama's so ugly, everybody calls her "She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Naked"" And with that she ran out of the common room, looking over her shoulder to see if Fred was coming. Sure enough he was right behind her, jumping over a couple of first years sprawled on the floor. George was watching the whole thing, smirking.

"You don't seem too mad at the whole thing," Lee observed, walking over.

"Why should I be?"

"… she insulted you mum."

"That's cause I gave her permission to," Lee just looked at George in confusion.

"The look on Fred's face was priceless. Absolutely priceless! I've never gonna let him hear the end of it," By this time George was grinning maniacally.

"Ok…" was all Lee could say, as he walked away. Sometimes he wasn't really sure why he was best friends with the twins.

_Yo mama's so fat that even t__he Dementors can't suck her soul out in one sitting._

"Weasley!" Draco Malfoy shout at Ginny. She was the one Weasley at school he had not insulted yet. Except for that one Potter was always hanging out with. But he had something special for him.

Ginny turned and glared at him.

"What?" She asked irritably, her hand just above her wand, ready to grab it at a moments notice.

"Yo mama's so fat that even the Dementors can't suck her soul out in one setting." Before Draco even knew what was happening, he found himself on the receiving end of Ginny's bat bogey hex.

"Never. Insult. My. Mother," and with that she left, leaving Malfoy standing in the middle of the hall with his own snot attacking him.

_Yo mama's so pasty, she makes Ron Weasley look like George Hamil__ton._

Lee knew he would probably have to spend the detention he was going to get doing something horrible, like cleaning out the trophy room without magic until it was spotless. But he was pretty sure what he was going to do would be worth it.

"Professor," Lee said, raising his hand.

"Yes Mr. Jordan?" replied Snape, slightly irritated at the fact he had been interrupted.

"Yo mama's so pasty, she makes Ron Weasley look like George Hamilton," There he had done it. And it could not believe it either. It had felt strangely gratifying.

"25 POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!" Snape bellowed. "And detention for the next week!"

"Good job mate," Fred whispered as soon as Snape turned around.

"Aye," George agreed. "That was brilliant,"

He was punished worse than he thought, but he was right. It was defiantly worth it.

_Yo mama's so old she gave Nicholas Flamel his first kiss._

"Bletchley!" Katie Bell yelled across the Quidditch pitch, trying to distract the Slytherin keeper while her fellow chaser, Angelina flew towards the goal. He made the mistake of looking towards Katie.

"Yo mama's so old she gave Nicholas Flamel his first kiss!" She shouted just as Angelina was about to score.

"Why you little b.." He was cut off by Lee announcing into the mike that Angelina had scored. He flew back in front of the goals, determined not to let Gryffindor score anymore.

Gryffindor won 230 to 20.

_Yo mama's so nasty, every pair of her panties has the Dark Mark on the__m._

"I have the perfect insult for Malfoy!" Ron announced, walking over to Harry and Hermione. They looked up from whatever they were doing, curious as to what he had to say.

"Ok, wait for it…. Yo mama's so nasty, every pair of her panties has the Dark Mark on them. Genius right?" Ron looked so proud of what he came up with.

"Um… there's just one problem," Hermione pointed out. "That's probably something Malfoy would be proud of. Or, at least it wouldn't bother him as much considering his dad is probably a death eater and all."

"Oh," was all Ron could say.

_Yo mama's so dumb she thought that she could talk to snakes if she put parsley on her tongue__._

"Crabbe!" Harry shouted when he saw him.

"Huh?"

"Yo mama's so dumb she thought that she could talk to snakes if she put parsley on her tongue."

Crabbe looked at Harry as if he was a little kid who had just been told Santa Clause did not exist.

"You… you can't?" He asked stupidly, then ran away crying. Harry just stood there, not quite knowing what to do.

"You ok mate?" Ron asked walking up to him.

"Oh I'm fine. I think I just found out that Crabbe's a lot stupider that we though."

"And I didn't think that was possible," Ron said, shaking his head as the two best friends walked away.

**TADAH! Hehe I hope this chapter makes up for the short one I put up yesterday. ****And please review. Reviews are awesome than freshly baked brownies. So you know what to do. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I own neither Harry Potter nor the jokes. ):**

Chapter 5

_Yo mama's so stupid, she drowned in a pensieve._

"OI POTTER!" Draco Malfoy yelled, running to catch up. Harry just glared at him.

"You know you're really stupid for hanging out with that mudblood and blood traitor," Harry just ignored him.

"Must've gotten those genes from your mum. 'Cause yo mama's so stupid, she drowned in a pensieve."

If looks could kill then Draco would have been dead a looooooong time ago. But before Harry could actually rip Malfoy's head from his body like he wanted to, Draco ran up ahead and dodged into the library.

"Damn," Harry muttered, walking past. He'd just have to find a way to get him back.

_Yo mama's so ugly that when the basilisk snuck up on her and saw her face, HE dropped dead._

Harry still had a while before he had to find the snitch. Oliver wanted them to get a good lead on Slytherin before Harry even tried to get it. So he was flying laps around the pitch, getting his blood pumping. And that's when he saw it. The snitch. And Malfoy was so close to it. He silently cursed to himself. He could not get the snitch yet, but he did not know how he was going to keep Malfoy from noticing it. That's when it hit him.

"MALFOY!" He shouted across the pitch, trying to get Malfoy's attention. It worked. Malfoy looked up, distracted from the snitch.

"Yo mama's so ugly that when the basilisk snuck up on her and saw her face, HE dropped dead."

"Potter I'm gonna kill you" Malfoy growled, flying straight towards Harry. Harry sped away, keeping a look out for the snitch at the same time.

"AND JOHNSON SCORES" Lee announced into the mike. "10 POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR! They're up 100 to 30," That was his cue to get the snitch. He looked back over his shoulder. Malfoy was flying away from him as if his life depended on it. That's when he saw it yet again. The snitch was in the center of the field, and Malfoy was flying towards it. Harry started flying towards it too, racing against Draco. The snitch moved, right above one of the Weasley twins' heads.

"Perfect," he said, smirking to himself. He started flying towards them, then noticed Malfoy coming their way. Just at the moment though, Fred sent a buldger flying towards Malfoy, distracting him. Harry reached out, and grabbed the snitch. The buzzer sounded.

"GRYFFINDOR WINSSSSSSS" Lee shouted into the mike, ecstatic. Harry grinned to himself. He had managed to get Malfoy back AND win the game at the same time.

_Yo mama's so poor that Dobby gave her a sock to keep her foot warm._

Draco smirked as he waited outside the potions room. He would probably get killed for this but it would be worth it.

"Hey blood traitor," Draco sneered as the trio walked out of the classroom.

"Shut up Malfoy,"

"Well mother was missing something. I think I finally found out where it's gone." The trio just looked at him like they couldn't care less. Draco just looked smug. Ron wanted to punch him.

"Yo mama's so poor that Dobby gave her a sock to keep her foot warm," Ron's face rapidly started turning red, clashing with his hair.

"YOU BLOODY GIT!" Ron was so mad Harry and Hermione had to hold him pack to keep him from tearing Malfoy apart.

"You're gonna pay!" Ron shouted as Malfoy walked away. That had turned out surprisingly well.

**Oohh cliffhanger (: haha I'll try and get the next chapter up soon so please don't kill me! And I just wanted to clarify something, this happens around the 3****rd**** year, there isn't an exact time. I also made up the Quidditch game in this chapter cause I needed a setting for Harry to get back at Draco. If you guys have any questions please feel free to PM me or ask me in a review. And that reminds me, all the incredibly awesome people who read this, (and I know quite a few people do. I have this amazingly awesome thing that allows me to tract how many people are reading this story.****) please please review. I've considered saying I won't post the next chapter until I get a certain amount of reviews, BUT that's not fair to my constant readers, (especially Dithinus, who is awesome and reviews every chapter I write (: I love you. And I did not mean that to be creepy.) and I know I won't be able to actually wait until I get the reviews so I'd just go ahead and post the new chapter anyways. Wow that was long, and I commend those who actually read this. **


	6. Chapter 6

**So, I realized I have been a complete butthead in not thanking all the people who added this story to their story alerts and favorite list. SO THANK YOU: poop27, Serpentine Lion, CountessCadhla, Dithinus, EmoNekoNinja, the overcomer, Tiffany-Taz, imatruenut, mabpanda, Lone-Angel-1992, Iowi, .Black, Ginebra216, DropsofJupiter13, SecretPain121208, KKool, Blackbeltbrea, RAWRxYAOIxCOOKIEZ, SlytherinPrincessxXx and lolara. It means a lot to me (:**

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to the brilliant J.K Rowling and the yo mama jokes belong to some random dude on the internet.**

Chapter 6

_Yo mama's breath is the secret ingredient in the Weasly's Butterscotch Barf-ies._

It was during the breakfast when it happened.

"ATTENTION ALL STUDENTS" Lee's voice boomed throughout the Great Hall. Everyone's heads whipped around, trying to find where the voice was coming from.

"WE ARE ABOUT TO ANNOUNCE ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT SECRETS OF ALL TIME," This time it was one of the twins, probably Fred.

"ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE A FAN OF ANY WEASLEY WIZARD WHEEZES PRODUCTS," George's voice echoed.

"Malfoy, yo mama's breath is the secret ingredient in the Weasly's Butterscotch Barf-ies"

Some of the Slytherins, Draco included, leapt out of their seats and tried to find the twins and Lee. What they did not notice were the 3 small speakers attached to the wall at 3 of the corners of the Great Hall. All the other houses though were laughing their butts off. Even a couple of the teachers looked amused.

Meanwhile back in the Gryffindor Common Room:

"We did it!" The three boys were ecstatic.

"Do you think Malfoy is ever gonna find the speakers?"

"Naaaah. He's too much of an idiot."

-.-.-.-

_Yo mama's so skanky that the reason you're called a Half-Blood Prince is because she has no idea who your father is!_

Even the teachers couldn't escape the affects of the yo mama jokes. The Golden Trio was in potions class when suddenly a large black owl swooped into the room. After circling the room once, it dropped the letter it was holding onto Snape's desk.

He quickly gave the students some work to do, then opened the letter to read it.

Dear Snivillus,

Yo mama's so skanky that the reason you're called a Half-Blood Prince is because she has no idea who your father is!

Sincerely, 

Padfoot

"Black" he growled to himself, everyone else in the room oblivious to what was going on except a big black dog just outside the classroom.

-.-.-.-

_Yo mama's so ugly she scares the Dementors away._

"You know Pansy," Ginny said in a sickening sweet voice as she walked up to Pansy Parkinson who for once, was not surrounded by her entourage. Pansy gave her the evil eye before continuing on her way.

"You'd make the perfect death eater," Ginny continued anyways. Pansy stopped in her tracks, not quite sure what was going on.

"Yo mama's so ugly she scares the Dementors away. So when you get thrown in Azkaban she won't be afraid to visit you."

"You little…" she suddenly found herself not being able to speak.

"I do believe I've just done the world a great favor," Ginny said smiling to herself as she walked away.

**I probably won't be able to update for a while. I'm getting a ton of homework and I feel like I'm gonna die from the stress, and on top of that I need to go Christmas shopping. Reviews might motivate me to get the next chapter up though. (if there was a smiley—face thing to express smirking I'd totally use it right now)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. If I did Fred and Lupin wouldn't die. 'nuff said.**

Chapter 7

_Yo mama's so fat that if she confronted a boggart it would morph into a treadmill._

"I'VE GOT ONE!" Ron ran yelling into the common room to where Hermione and Harry where sitting.

"One what?"

"Another yo mama joke for Malfoy," Hermione and Harry just looked at him.

"This one is much better than the first. Just listen. Yo mama's so fat if she confronted a boggart it would morph into a treadmill,"

"Not bad mate. Just one thing. Malfoy probably doesn't know what a treadmill is." Harry pointed out.

"Oh,"

_Yo Mama's so ugly that even Voldemort won't say her name._

"OH FLINCHEY!" Peeves could be heard yelling throughout the castle.

"Shut up Peeves!"

"Yo Mama's so ugly that even Voldemort won't say her name." Peeves laughed manically before disappearing.

"Peeves…." Flinch growled, stalking off to find the poltergeist.

_Yo mama's so ugly that she lost a beauty contest to a Mountain Troll._

_Yo mama's such a tramp that she's given more rides than the Hogwarts Express!_

_Yo mama's so fat, she ate the Death Eaters. _

The boys on the Gryffindor Quidditch team were leaving the locker room just after an especially tough practice.

"Yo Oliver," George said walking up to their captain.

"Yeah?"

"Yo mama's so ugly that she lost a beauty contest to a Mountain Troll."

"Oh yeah? Yo mama's such a tramp that she's given more rides than the Hogwarts Express,"

"Yo mama's so fat, she ate the Death Eaters,"

And with that the two boys fell to the ground wrestling.

"What's that all about?" Angelina asked as the three girls walked out of their locker room.

"Well," Fred said draping his arm around her, ignoring the glare she sent. "George and Oliver insulted each other's mums."

"But George's mum is your mum too," Katie pointed out.

"Really? EVERYTHING I KNEW IS A LIE!"

"Oh shut up,"

**Sorry for the short chapter. At least I updated though, right?**


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: The Harry Potter world belongs to J.K Rowling.

Chapter 8

_Yo mama's so fat the core of her wand has a cream filling._

"Hey Lovegood!" Pansy yelled as she spotted Luna and Ginny walking in the hall.

"Oh hi Pansy," Luna said dreamily, as if her mind was elsewhere.

"Yo mama's so fat the core of her wand has a cream filling," Luna did not seem at all bothered by what Pansy said, and reached out to stop Ginny when she started to draw her wand.

"She did actually. She thought it would help keep the nargles away. And she was quite thin actually. You had to be to hunt Crumple-Horned Snorkacks." Pansy gave her a you're-crazy look and walked away.

"Did your mom's wand actually have cream filling in it?"

"Oh no. I just said that to see what Pansy would do,"

"Luna," Ginny said clasping her friend's shoulder. "You are a genius,"

_Yo mama's so stanky that not even Dobby would accept one of her socks._

"What stinks?" Kate asked, walking over to where Fred, George, Lee and Angelina were sitting.

"Him,"

"Fred,"

"The slightly less awesomer version of me," Lee, Angelina and George all said at once, pointing towards Fred.

"Figures,"

"I wonder if it's heredity…" Angelina mused out loud.

"Why? Worried our children would get it?" Fred said jokingly.

"No," she replied as she playfully slapped his arm. "But it'd make sense if it was. Cause I heard yo mama's so stanky that not even Dobby would accept one of her socks," She continued, laughing.

"JOHNSON!" Fred yelled, jumping up after Angelina who was already up and sprinting towards the girls dormitories.

"You two are never gonna give him a break, are you?"

"Nope," Lee and George said with huge smiles on their faces.

_Yo mama's so ugly that when she asked Crabbe to take her to the Yule Ball, he decided to go with Goyle instead!_

"I wonder if our children will be as incredibly awesome as us,"

"They'd probably be. I mean, how could they not?"

"Hahaha just imagine. We'd tell them all about Hogwarts,"

"Including the Yule Ball?"

"Hell yeah! And when they meet Malfoy's kid, they'd be like,"

"Yo mama's so ugly that when she asked Crabbe to take her to the Yule Ball, he decided to go with Goyle instead!"

"HAHA our kids are gonna rock Hogwarts…"

**Ok so, if you'd like to guess who the two people talking in the last section thingy are, submit your answer in the form of a review, and I'll announce the winner(s) and answer in the next update. Winners get virtual m&m cookies!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or the yo mama jokes.**

Chapter 9

_Yo mama's so fat, she tried to eat Cornelius Fudge._

"Oi Longbottom!" Draco yelled at the poor Gryffindor.

"What?" He asked slightly scared, thinking he was going to get hexed.

"Yo mama's so fat, she tried to eat Cornelius Fudge," That did it. Neville didn't mind getting hexed all the time, or the jokes about himself. Well, he did mind but he could take it. But mocking his mum was the last straw.

He pinned Draco to the ground, and started punching the living daylights out of him. He didn't care if he got caught. He didn't care how many house points were taken away. No one would insult his mum.

_Yo Mama's so poor she can't even afford a Gringotts account._

"Ok, NOW I have one!" Ron yelled, ecstatic, running towards where Harry and Hermione were. They looked up at him, sensing what was coming.

"How about, yo Mama's so poor she can't even afford a Gringotts account."

"Not bad just one thing…the Malfoys are one of the wizarding families ever. And no offense, but you guys aren't. He's just gonna use that against you."

"Aw bloody hell. I'm never going to get a break," he mumbled walking back towards the guys' dorm rooms.

_Yo mama's so fat even Grawp can't pick her up!_

"Hermione,"

"Yeah Harry?"

"Yo mama's so fat even Grawp can't pick her up!"

"Harry!" Hermione exclaimed, jumping up, running towards him. But he was too fast, and jumped out of the common room through the portrait as it was closing, and ran off to who knows where.

"Oh he's in big trouble," she muttered to herself, plotting revenge.

_Yo mama's such a tramp that she's like a quidditch broomstick - everyone gets a ride._

"Oh Harry," Hermione said every so sweetly, it was almost scary.

"Yeah?" He asked, looking up nervously, expecting to be hexed or cursed.

"Yo mama's such a tramp that she's like a quidditch broomstick - everyone gets a ride." She could see Harry's face getting red, but she went on.

"Including Snape,"

"AHHHHHHH" Harry yelled, jumping towards her. She leapt onto a couch, then ran towards the girls' dormitory. She knew he'd be angry for a while but she felt gooooood.

**Ok so unless a Christmas miracle happens, I won't be updating for a while. I failed my this history quiz, and my parents came up with this really stupid rule that if I got below a B I couldn't have any electronics until my next quiz/test. And that means no internet for at the very least 2 weeks. Realistically more like 3 or 4 ): I'm really really sorry.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Ok so I realized that I forgot to mention the two who were speaking at the end of Chapter 8. The answer is Fred and George, and the winner is **_**weird shmeird. **_**Although **_**thenewkait **_**gave me ****some very good ideas that I never even considered. **

**I'm only gonna do this once more cause I think we've established the fact that I don't own Harry Potter or the yo mama jokes.**

_Yo mama's so smelly, Bertie Bott made her his next jelly bean flavor._

"Ok, now I've really got!" Ron exclaimed as he once again walked over to Harry and Hermione. Harry looked up, but Hermione had given up all hope and kept on doing her homework.

"Let's hear it then,"

"Yo mama's so smelly, Bertie Bott made her his next jelly bean flavor,"

"That's not half bad…" Harry smiled, slightly surprised Ron managed to find one that would work.

"Except for one thing," Hermione started, her eyes never leaving the parchment.

"Bernie Bott is dead. He's the founder, so they kept the name but now some guy, um…Adrian Bubblehead runs the company." Harry and Ron stared in surprise.

"Well I liked it," Harry tried to console the red head as he walked back to the dormitory. Ron mumbled a barely audible response before heading in the room.

"What was tha…" Harry stared to ask, then noticed the smirk on Hermione's face. Comprehension dawned on him.

"You liked mocking him!" He almost yelled.

"You, Hermione Granger, like making fun of Ron!"

"I do not!" She denied but her slight smile gave her away. Harry just quietly chuckle before walking out the common room door.

_._._._

**A Christmas miracle happened! Somehow, my failing that test didn't affect my grade, and my grade average for that class actually ended up being higher. I know this chapter is short but I wanted to post something really bad so here it is.**


	11. Chapter 11

**The lyrics from One Eyed Cat belong to Jenny & Tyler, not me.**

Chapter 11

_Yo mama's so fat, she makes Hagrid look like "Mini-me"._

"You gave up your one-eyed cat, still makes you sad but I'm allergic

You gave up trips to the beach, you used to go every week to get some surfing  
You cut back on a daily routine of chocolate ice cream and three French presses  
You gave up playing solo gigs to sing with me, we sound much better"

Seamus had been humming this to himself. He didn't know how, but it somehow had gotten stuck in his brain. He had no clue as to how it happened since he never really listened to muggle music. He needed something to distract him. Something else to think about. He had nothing against the song, or the people who sang it. He just couldn't remember the rest and it was driving him crazy. At this point he would have even welcomed Malfoy insulting him. It would give him an excuse to beat that git up.

"SEAMUS!" He heard his name yelled in the hall and turned around, hoping it was Malfoy. But it was just the two Weasley twins.

"Yeah?"

"Well, we thought we needed to bring something to your attention," George said. Or at least Seamus thought it was George. He looked at the twins curiously, yet he was fully expecting something to fall on him at any moment.

"Yo mama's so fat, she makes Hagrid look like 'Mini-me'," Seamus glared at them, and then said,

"I'll give you a five second head start,"

"RUUUUUUUUUN"

_Yo mama's so ugly that the Dementor's Kiss was swapped out for a hearty handshake and a promise to give her a call sometime_.

"Hello Ron," Luna said dreamily.

"Hi Luna," Ron said looking up from whatever it was he was doing.

"I decided that now would be an appropriate time to say, yo mama's so ugly that the Dementor's Kiss was swapped out for a hearty handshake and a promise to give her a call sometime." Ron stared at her, not quite understanding what she meant, but he knew it was supposed to be insulting. But it was Luna who said it. And he quite liked Luna. Not romantically but in a little sister sort of way. Thus he did not know quite how to respond. So he did the only thing he could think of. He lied.

"Well, I gotta go find Hermione. Bye," he said quickly as he left.

"Oh well," Luna shrugged her shoulder. She was just going to have to find something that a non-Ravenclaw would understand.

_Yo mama's so ugly she turned the Basilisk to stone._

"Hi Harry," Ginny said shyly, walking up to him. She couldn't believe she was about to do this. She really needed to stop playing truth or dare with the twins.

"Oh hi Ginny,"

"Yo mama's so ugly she turned the Basilisk to stone," she blurted out, not even bothering breaking into it. She could deal with just about anything, but insulting Harry in anyway was still her weakness. It was almost impossible for her to do it.

Harry raised an eyebrow at her.

"Fred and George. It was a dare,"

"Ahhh,"

Ginny nodded at him, then started to walk away. Already her mind began plotting ways to get back at her brothers. She didn't care how, but she would.

**TA DAH! Sorry it's been such a long time. I've been super busy and actually realized I have more of a life than I thought I did. But it's finally up at last. I'll try to get the next chapter up tomorrow. And I probably won't be lyrics anymore, I just love "One Eyed Cat" and felt the need to add it in and tell the world (:**


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

_Yo mama's so dumb that a stupify spell actually made her smarter._

Fred and George dashed outside, weaving in between students, trying to get Seamus off their tail. It wasn't working. Fred looked behind, knowing it would slow him down and that he would probably run into a tree, but he had to know how much distance was between them. Seamus was right behind them. Soon George had to stop, panting for breath. Fred didn't last much longer.

"Gred, I think we need to start doing laps,"

"Agreed. Outrun by a third year. That's just sad mate," Both of them sat panting on the ground, too tired to do anything else.

Seamus walked up to them with a huge smirk on his face. The twins were never really afraid of anything. Except their mum but then again, everyone was afraid of their mum when she was angry so that didn't really count. This time was no exception.

"He's a 3rd year. What can he possibly do?" Fred whispered to George, who just shrugged in response.

Seamus pulled out his wand, and muttered something barely audible. Then the twins heard,

"Yo mama's so dumb that a stupify spell actually made her smarter," Outraged, they both started to shout, but all that can out was the sound of crickets chirping. Seamus walked away, fully knowing something was going to happen to him but it was worth it. It was totally worth it.

_Yo mama's so fat, her wand is a Slim Jim._

"What's that?" Ron asked, pointing to a thin brown stick that looked slightly like a wand in Hermione's hand.

"This," she replied motioning to whatever it was, "is a Slim Jim. It's a dried piece of meat…" Ron tuned out as she rambled on and on about Slim Jims and how they were made and such. That's when Ron got an idea.

"Hey Hermione,"

"Yeah?"

"Yo mama's so fat, her wand is a Slim Jim,"

"WHAT?"

"You heard me,"

"RONALD BILLIUS WEASLEY!" She screamed, causing everyone in the common room to stare.

"How do you know my middle name?"

"Ginny told me," She said with a smug look on her face.

"I'm gonna kill her," he mumbled as he stalked off to find his sister. Hermione was so amused at his reaction, she totally forgot what he said. At least for now…

_Yo mama's so ugly that Voldemort took one look at her and killed HIMSELF!_

"Hello Ron," Hermione said ever so sweetly. Ron just looked up, fully expecting to get jinxed or hexed.

"Your mother really should've been the one to face Vol…" Ron began to cut in but Hermione glared at him until he shut up.

"She should really should've been the one to fight him because yo mama's so ugly that Voldemort took one look at her and killed HIMSELF!"

Ron's face began getting red, and he looked pissed.

"Now we're even," She said, before hurrying away to the girl's dormitories. Revenge WAS sweet.

**Ok I lied. I thought I would be able to get this up by Monday but it turns out I couldn't. And I'm deeply sorry for that. Now that Christmas break is almost over though I should have more time since all I'll have is school and I won't be running around doing random things with my friends. Thank you everyone who is reading this and reviewing and who added it to story alerts and their favorites and all that. Please review and HAPPY NEW YEAR. **


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: Ok so due to all the questions I'm getting about the 'Yo Mama' jokes, I felt the need to do this. I don't own any of the yo mama jokes. I got them all online**

Chapter 13

_Yo mama's the reason that Dumbledore turned gay._

_Ok,_ Ron thought to himself. _I finally came up with a great insult to use on Malfoy and Hermione won't be able to find anything wrong with it!_ For the umpteenth time he walked up to where Harry and Hermione were doing homework. Or at least Hermione was doing work. He didn't quite know what Harry was reading. It was probably something about Quidditch.

"Guys, uh, I mean guy and girls," he said seeing Hermione's glare.

"I finally came up with the perfect 'Yo Mama' joke to use on Malfoy,"

"Well let's hear it." As much the fact that Ron always came to them for advice on his really lame jokes bothered Hermione, she couldn't help but like it that SHE was one of the people he came to.

"Yo mama's the reason that Dumbledore turned gay," Hermione raised an eyebrow at him.

"That doesn't even make sense,"

"I don't get it," said Harry as he looked up from the book he was reading.

"WAIT! Dumbledore's gay?" Exclaimed some random person in the common room.

"Oh forget it," Ron mumbled as he walked back towards his room.

2-0-1-1

_Yo mama's so fat that a wingardium leviosa spell couldn't lift her._

"Oi watch where you're going Potter!" Draco Malfoy spat.

"It's not my fault the corridor isn't big enough for you. In fact, I heard it's your mother's. Cause yo mama's so fat that a wingardium leviosa spell couldn't lift her,"

"Potter…." Draco growled as he sung his fist at Harry's jaw. Harry was too quick though, and easily dodged it.

"And you punch you like a girl. Makes people wonder…"

"ARGHHHHHHHH!" Draco yelled as he started running towards Harry, who stepped aside and let Malfoy run right into the wall behind where he had just been standing.

"Maybe you really are a girl!" Harry shouted as he walked away, leaving a very pissed Malfoy behind.

2-0-1-1

**I know this is on the shorter side, but I really wanted to get a new chapter up so be grateful. And if you want the link to the "yo mama" jokes, just PM me or say so in a review. **


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I owned HP I wouldn't be here now would I? As for the jokes, thank the internet.**

Chapter 14

_Yo mama's so masculine that Dumbledore would sleep with her!_

"Hermione, the next time Ron comes up with one, please don't say anything,"

"But all the inaccuracies bother me,"

"Hermione. I don't care. Just please shut up the next time he comes up with one?"

"…fine," Hermione acted mad but in reality she was actually quite happy for an excuse to be quite. She wasn't quite sure why, but she always felt the need to correct him. Maybe it was the result of helping him too much on his homework.

"Harry, Hermione?" Hearing her name snapped her out of her thoughts and self analysis.

"Yeah?"

"Ok, I think I finally got it. Yo mama's so masculine that Dumbledore would sleep with her!"

"Wow. That's bloody brilliant!"

"You think so?"

"Ron, Harry is right. It's great," Ron stared wide eyed at Hermione. The last thing he was expecting was for her to complement it.

"Uh… ok then. I'm going for a walk," and with that Ron left the common room.

"I can't believe you said that,"

"What? It's true! It doesn't mean I'm going to stop mocking him though," Hermione grinned evilly. It was just so much fun mocking Ron.

2-0-1-1

_Yo mama's so ugly that when she walked into Gringotts Wizarding Bank, they gave her a job application._

Snape was grading papers in his office when yet another black owl swooped down. It looked vaguely familliar…

The Great Hall was crowed, and no nosier than usual, but there was one group of kids who were obnoxiously loud; the marauders. Snape groaned, today would be yet another day of torture and mocking. He couldn't wait to graduate and finally be rid of them. Especially Black and Potter. He glanced over at them, making sure he wasn't about to be jinxed. That's when he noticed it. A black owl was perched on Sirius's shoulder, a letter in its beak. He seriously hoped it was a howler…

A peck on his head jerked Snape back to the present.

"Black's owl? But how? He's in Azkaban. Unless… impossible! But knowing Black..." He mumbled to himself, once again forgetting the bird on his desk. Another peck on his head brought his attention back to the letter. He reached for it, and as the bird flew away opened it and read,

"Hello Snivellus,

So your dear mum was trying to withdraw money the other day, but yo mama's so ugly that when she walked into Gringotts Wizarding Bank, they gave her a job application."

"BLACK!" He screamed, not really caring who heard. If he had looked outside his office, he would've seen a black dog that could've been smiling.

**Alright so this chapter is a bit on the heavy side. I actually feel like as the chapters go on they aren't as light and funny so if you ever feel like they're getting boring or not as funny, please speak up. The next chapter will be randomer/lighter though. **


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: You seriously think I came up with all this?**

Chapter 15

_Yo mama's so fat that even her Quidditch robes have stretch marks._

"Johnson," Oliver nodded as he walked over to Angelina.

"Sup Wood?"

"Just making sure you knew about practice tonight,"

"That I do. Fred told me,"

"Cool," as Oliver started walking away, he shouted one last thing.

"Oh yeah. Johnson?"

"Mh?"

"Yo mama's so fat that even her Quidditch robes have stretch marks!"

"Wood..." She growled, reaching for her wand. The next thing Oliver knew he was laying on the ground covered in Christmas lights. He made a mental note never to do that again.

2-0-1-1

_Yo mama's so ugly, she thought that Hogwarts were the growth on her thigh._

"Oi Potter,"

"What is it Malfoy?"

"Yo mama's so ugly, she thought that Hogwarts were the growth on her thigh. Oh that's right, she's dead!"

"Malfoy!" Harry yelled as he ran towards Draco, fully intending to put him in St. Mungo's for the rest of his life.

"Stupefy!" Draco exclaimed before Harry could do anything. Harry fell to the ground unconscious. Draco was surprised; he couldn't believe it actually worked. He started walking away when he heard

"Malfoy! Eat this!" As he turned around, a fist connected with his face knocking him out. Hermione stared at her fist.

"I can't believe I did that," Meanwhile Ron was starring at her in awe.

"That was bloody brilliant Hermione! Come on, let's get Harry to Madame Pomfrey,"

2-0-1-1

_Yo mama's so fat the Sorting Hat assigned her to the House of Pancakes._

Ron and Hermione were sitting next to Harry's bed, waiting for him to wake up.

"When do you think he's going to wake up?"

"Dunno. Probably soon though,"

"H-he-hey Ron?"

"HARRY!"

"YOU'RE AWAKE!"

"SHH!" Madame Pomfrey put a finger to her lips. Ron and Hermione winced, then turned back to Harry.

"Ron, I found out something that's gonna shock you mate,"

"What?" Ron was prepared for the worst.

"Yo mama's so fat the Sorting Hat assigned her to the House of Pancakes," Ron too happy to be mad, just punched Harry lightly on the shoulder.

"Speaking of pancakes… I'm hungry. Anyone coming?" Harry started to get out of bed, but Madam Pomfrey came over and gently pushed him back into bed.

"One more day,"

"Daaaaaaaaaang," Harry muttered as he watched his two best friends get something to eat. This was going to be a long day.

**And thus concludes Chapter 15. If you would be so kind as to press that little blue button and review it would make me very very happy. It would make me more than happy. It would make me ecstatic. They also motivate me to get chapters up faster ;v**


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: As awesome as I am, I don't own Harry Potter. *sigh***

Chapter 16

_Yo mama's so fat, she looked in the mirror of Erised and saw a ham!_

"Do you think anyone else in Hogwarts knows about the mirror?"

"Probably not. Aside from teachers I mean,"

"We should try looking for it," Ron thought about it for a bit before finally answering.

"Too bad you're mom can't come with us," Harry looked at him with a weird look on his face.

"…why?"

"I was just wondering. Cause I've heard yo mama's so fat, she looked in the mirror of Erised and saw a ham!" Harry was too surprised to be mad.

"Dude, how do you know the actual name of the mirror?"

"Oh I have my ways," Ron replied, waggling his eyebrows. Harry ended up on the floor, he was laughing so hard.

2-0-1-1

_Yo mama's the only mute prostitute in Hogsmeade. They call her "dumb-le-whore"!_

Percy was in an extremely bad mood. No one, even himself knew why. He just woke up, and things started going downhill from there. He was walking through the halls, just trying to clear his mind when he heard something. He turned the corner and saw that git Malfoy picking on a first year. Malfoy said something especially rude about the boy's mother, and now the little one was crying. Percy knew he had to do something, and he had the perfect idea. Normally he despised it when people did what he was about to do, but he was in a bad mood, and needed to take it out on someone.

"Oi Malfoy! Stop it!" Malfoy turned around to the angry red-head behind him.

"What?"

"Apologize. Now. Or I'll tell Professor Snape,"

"He won't care,"

"Oh that's right. I forgot your mother was sleeping with him," By now Draco was seething, his face almost as red as Percy's hair.

"And she won't be able to say a thing about it. Cause yo mama's the only mute prostitute in Hogsmeade. They call her 'dumb-le-whore'!" With that Percy walked away, leaving Draco cursing under his breath. He knew he would despise himself for what he had done. But it felt surprisingly good.

2-0-1-1

**I don't really like the second one, but I promised myself I'd do all the ones on the list so I wouldn't skip any because it was hard to come up with a story, so I kinda had to do it. Please review though and tell me what you think. All it takes is 2 seconds. **


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: I never have and never will own this ):**

Chapter 17

_Yo mama's so nasty that the order of the phoenix was "stay away from that woman!"_

Fred and George were in the common room, coming up with new product ideas when it hit them.

"Hey Forge, why don't we,"

"Insult a professor?"

"You read my mind," Fred said, smiling.

"Well, great minds DO think alike," George replied, a similar impish grin lighting up his face. The two pranksters put their previous plans on hold and began devising the perfect insult.

"OH I KNOW!"

"What?"

"What's the name of the group thing we heard mum and dad talking about?"

"What group thing?"

"Remember when we eavesdropped and heard them talking about the first wizarding war and mum mentioned a group,"

"Oh THAT. I think it's called 'the Call of the Phoenix'?"

"No, that's not it,"

"Hm… it might be 'the Order of the Phoenix',"

"Yeah that' it. OK so, I was thinking," and Fred leaned in, whispering into George's ear, making sure that absolutely no one else could hear what they were talking about.

Later that day in potions, they set their plan into action.

"Hey Professor!" George shouted randomly in the middle of class.

"What is it Mr. Weasley?" Snape replied, very annoyed at the boy.

"Well, we were wondering," Snape sighed to himself. He hated it when the twins continued each other's thoughts. It gave him a headache.

"Is it true yo mama's so nasty the order of the phoenix was 'stay away from that woman!'?"

"WEASLEYS! DETENTION!" Snape bellowed, his anger getting the better of him. And yet, he was very perplexed. How the hell did they hear about The Order?

2-0-1-1

**Sorry this chapter is so short. I'll try to make the next one longer. I've probably only got about 2 or 3 chapters left of this story. And, I'm kinda running out of ideas for who should be telling the jokes. So if you've got anyone you'd like to tell a joke, submit the character's name in a review or PM. Thanks (:**


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: Sadly, none of this is mine ):**

Chapter 18

_Yo mama's so fat they'd have to use transfiguration to sneak her through the hole in the Gryffindor Tower._

Remus Lupin sat in his office, essays covering his desk. He knew he should be marking them, but he couldn't help but watch as the Weasley twins ran by his door, no doubt going off to prank someone. He smiled to himself, reminded of his days at Hogwarts.

_He rushed towards the Great Hall. He couldn't believe he actually overslept. Sure he was a Marauder. And a teenager. But he didn't oversleep! That was something James would do. Or Sirius. But not him. He tried to sneak into the Great Hall, but to no avail. Both the doors were closed, so he had to heave on open before he could enter, resulting in everyone looking at him._

"_Oh why couldn't I just go to the kitchens?" he thought to himself as he walked over to where the other 3 Marauders were sitting. The minute he sat down, he began piling food onto his plate, pausing only briefly to gulp down some orange juice before beginning to shove food into his mouth. _

"_You know Remus," He turned to Sirius._

"_Yeah?"_

"_I was thinking. And I realized, yo mama's so fat they'd have to use transfiguration to sneak her through the hole in the Gryffindor Tower,"_

"_SIRIUS!" He yelled. Or, tried to. Instead, food just kinda fell out of his mouth. He glared at James and Peter who were laughing their butts off before swallowing what food was left in his mouth._

"_You did not just go there," he muttered darkly._

"_I think I just did," He glared at Sirius for a moment before tackling him._

"_DIEEEEEEEEEE" A small crowd formed around the two boys. It took them a while to realize that, amiss the fighting, both boys were actually laughing. _

Remus jerked his head up when he heard yelling in the hall, soon realizing it was a "Yo Mama" joke. He smiled to himself, for a moment wishing that things were the way before the war. Before anyone died.

2-0-1-1

_Yo mama's so old she makes Dumbledore look like a teenager._

Astoria couldn't quite believe her friends talked her into this. She was a Hufflepuff for Pete's sake! She wasn't supposed to be going around doing random dares. That was for Gryffindors! Yet despite all her inward protesting, she couldn't help but be a bit excited. She knew she'd probably end up getting jinxed or hexed, but at least she'd prove that Hufflepuffs weren't chickens. She gathered up her courage before walking up to him.

"Hey Blaise!"

"Oh hey Astoria!" Blaise personally had no clue as to why she ended up in Hufflepuff. Sure she was way too sweet to end up in Slytherin, but she was from one of the oldest pureblood families in England!

"Yo mama's so old she makes Dumbledore look like a teenager," She shut her eyes, bracing herself for the hex that was surely to come. All Blaise did though was laugh. He knew she expected him to hex her, but for some reason he couldn't. She looked at him, slightly surprised yet indignant at the same time before walking away.

A pale boy with platinum blonde hair and blue-ish gray eyes stood in the corner, observing the whole thing. He couldn't help but notice her bravery. It wasn't everyday a second year Hufflepuff walked up to Blaise Zabini, a third year Slytherin, and a quite hefty one at that. He had a feeling their paths would cross one day.

2-0-1-1

**OK so, the first one is dedicated to Dinthinus and chadders, (I combined the Marauders and Remus). I'm really sorry if during the flash back it seemed like slash. That's not at all what I wanted it to be, so if it comes across like that I'm sorry. I personally think Remus and Sirius are very straight, and that it's an insult to both of them to pair them together. The second bit is dedicated to Blackbeltbrea. I hope this was what you were thinking of (:**

**I'd be very happy if you guys review (: very very happy. I won't update until you do. (yes I am blackmailing you people and I'm not ashamed ;c)**


	19. Chapter 19

Harry Potter Yo Mama Jokes List

Yo mama's so fat that the Sorting Hat put her in all four houses!

Yo mama's so fat that a wingardium leviosa spell couldn't lift her.

Yo mama's so fat, she makes Hagrid look like "Mini-me".

Yo mama's so fat, she tried to eat Cornelius Fudge.

Yo mama's so ugly, even a dementor wouldn't kiss her!

Yo mama's so fat the Sorting Hat assigned her to the House of Pancakes.

Yo mama's so old, she used to babysit Dumbledore.

Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Sirius Black is a hip hop station on satellite radio.

Yo mama's so ugly that the whomping willow saw her and died.

Yo mama's so stupid she thinks Patronus is a kind of Tequlia.

Yo Mama's so fat, her Patronus is a Double-Whopper with Cheese.

Yo mama's so nasty, the Forbidden Forrest was named after her.

Yo mama's the reason that Dumbledore turned gay.

Yo mama's so old, her boobs look like two upside down Sorting Hats!

Yo mama's so fat, she used the invisibility cloak as a bib.

Yo Mama's so ugly, everybody calls her "She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Naked"

Yo mama's so fat that even the Dementors can't suck her soul out in one sitting.

Yo mama's so pasty, she makes Ron Weasely look like George Hamilton.

Yo mama's so fat, she looked in the mirror of Erised and saw a ham!

Yo mama's so old she gave Nicholas Flamel his first kiss.

Yo mama's so ugly that the Dementor's Kiss was swapped out for a hearty handshake and a promise to give her a call sometime.

Yo mama's so stupid, she drowned in a pensieve

Yo mama's so dumb she thought that she could talk to snakes if she put parsley on her tongue

Yo mama's so nasty, every pair of her panties has the Dark Mark on them.

Yo mama's so fat that if she confronted a boggart it would morph into a treadmill.

Yo Mama's so ugly that even Voldemort won't say her name.

Yo Mama's so poor she can't even afford a Gringotts account.

Yo mama's so fat that the sorting hat couldn't decide where to put her - she couldn't fit in any of the houses!

Yo mama's the only mute prostitue in Hogsmeade. They call her "dumb-le-whore"!

Yo mama's so fat, she ate the Death Eaters.

Yo mama's so masculine that Dumbledore would sleep with her!

Yo mama's so nasty that the order of the phoenix was "stay away from that woman!"

Yo mama's so poor that Dobby gave her a sock to keep her foot warm.

Yo mama's such a tramp that she's given more rides than the Hogwarts Express!

Yo mama's so fat even Grawp can't pick her up!

Yo mama's so smelly, Bertie Bott made her his next jelly bean flavor.

Yo mama's so fat that it takes two boggarts to shape-shift into her!

Yo mama's so ugly that she lost a beauty contest to Mountain Troll.

Yo mama's so ugly that when the bassalisk snuck up on her and saw her face, HE dropped dead.

Yo mama's breath is the secret ingredient in the Weasly's Butterscotch Barf-ies.

Yo mama's so ugly that when she walked into Gringotts Wizarding Bank, they gave her a job application.

Yo mama's so ugly she turned the Basilisk to stone.

Yo mama's such a tramp that she's like a quidditch broomstick - everyone gets a ride.

Yo mama's so skanky that the reason you're called a Half-Blood Prince is because she has no idea who your father is!

Yo mama's so dumb that a stupify spell actually made her smarter.

Yo mama's so stanky that not even Dobby would accept one of her socks.

Yo mama's so fat that even her Quidditch robes have stretch marks.

Yo mama's so old she makes Dumbledore look like a teenager.

Yo mama's so fat they'd have to use transfiguration to sneak her through the hole in the Gryffindor Tower.

Ya mama's so fat, her wand is a Slim Jim.

Yo mama's so fat the core of her wand has a creame filling.

Yo mama's so ugly that Voldemort took one look at her and killed HIMSELF!"

Yo mama's so poor she had to go to the Weasley's for a loan.

Yo mama's so ugly, she thought that Hogwarts were the growth on her thigh.

Yo mama's so ugly that as a baby they had to use the Confundus Charm so the family would play with her.

Yo mama's so ugly she scares the Dementors away.

Yo mama's so ugly that when she asked Crabbe to take her to the Yule Ball, he decided to go with Goyle instead!


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: You don't know how much I wish I owned this…**

Chapter 20

_Yo mama's so fat that it takes two boggarts to shape-shift into her!_

"I think Snape wants to ruin our weekend,"

"I think he wants to ruin our lives,"

"Oh knock it off. Both of you," Hermione glared at Ron and Harry. "I'm trying to finish this essay,"

"Of course you are," Ron grumbled to himself.

"I heard that,"

"How does she do that?" Ron asked Harry, taking great care not to let Hermione hear.

"You WERE talking kinda loudly…"

"Who's side are you on, mine or hers?"

"Weeeeeeeeeell,"

"Oh shut up," Hermione shot another glare their way, stopping the banter going on between them. The two boys sat in silence for a while, bored out of their minds. Then,

"Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"How much you wanna bet Neville's never told a yo mama joke?"

"I'll bet you my Herpo the Foul card,"

"Deal,"

2-0-1-1

Later that day, the two friends were walking to their next class when it happened.

"OI! Watch were you're going Longbottom!" Neville though, didn't say anything, and merely went on his way.

"Longbottom! Where're you going?"

"…to class," Draco started going on and on about Neville and his parents, how they were all clumsy blood traitors and incompetent fools.

"Shut up Malfoy,"

"What did you say?" Draco asked, shocked.

"I said shut up Malfoy,"

"Or what?" Neville seemed to think for a minute before replying.

"Yo mama's so fat, it takes two boggarts to shape-shift into her," Draco stood there, too shocked to do anything.

"Dude, hand it over,"

"What?"

"Remember the bet?" Realization dawned on Harry's face.

"Oh that,"

"Yes that," Harry said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out the card. Ron started doing his victory dance. Harry just shook his head and continued on his way to class.

2-0-1-1

**Alright so, I know I said this would be the last chapter but I decided to continue after the list is done, and make up some of my own. I still have one more joke on the list too. If any of you have any joke suggestions, please send them to me in a review or a PM.**

**And as I mentioned in the most recent chapter of "20 Things Not To Do At A Funeral", I'm looking for someone to beta my story. So if anyone wants to please PM me or something. Thanks (: Oh, and check out my poll on my profile. Until next time (:**


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter I wouldn't be writing this, now would I? And I don't own this yo mama joke either. Russell Peters does.**

Chapter 21

_Yo mama's so poor she had to go to the Weasley's for a loan._

Luna was walking through the halls, thinking of the muggle comedian her dad took her to see over the weekend. It meant she had to skip going to Hogsmeade, but getting to hunt wracksuprts. Getting to see a comedian was just a bonus.

"OI LOVEGOOD!" She heard someone, she assumed it was Draco Malfoy, call out in the hall. She turned to face whoever it was. Her guess had been proven right, it was indeed Draco Malfoy.

"Hm?" She replied, her eyes with a faraway look in them.

"You mama's so poor she had to go to the Weasley's for a loan," Luna just looked at him, and walked away. To anyone else, it would appear she was just ignoring him, but she had a plan. She just needed to double check something…

2-0-1-1

_Yo mama's so fat, when she jumped for joy, she got stuck!_

Now that Luna was prepared, she headed towards the Great Hall. She wasn't quite sure where Draco was, but figured it was a good place to start. And with all the nargles following him he probably would be extremely hungry. She only had to wait a few minutes before the blonde Slytherin showed up.

"Hey Draco," she called out dreamily, walking towards him. He turned around, a look of surprise on his face.

"What it is Lovegood?"

"Yo mama's so fat, when she jumped for joy, she got stuck!" With that she spun around on her heels, and headed back to the Ravenclaw common room.

**Ok so, I know this chapter is extremely short, and for that I do apologize. I'm not sure when the next update will be, but I'll try to get it up sometime this week. Please review. All it takes it 2 seconds (:**


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: Thanks to Dinthinus for the "Yo Mama" joke (: And this probably goes without saying, but I am not the brilliant J.K Rowling. *GASP***

Chapter 22

_Yo mama's so fat she's half American, half British and half Italian!_

Dumbledore walked out of his office, reaching into his pocket and pulled out a lemon drop. He looked at it before putting it in his mouth; just making sure he hadn't accidently taken a one of the treats he keeps in his robes for Fawkes. A smile of delight slowly spread across his face as he savored the candy. He closed his eyes, giving the impression that he was sleep walking.

"KA BOOM!" He opened his eyes, hurrying to the source of the noise. As he neared the now smoking class room, he saw two tall, red headed boys hurrying away.

"Please stay," The two boys stopped in their tracks, and turned around.

"Why hello Professor," Fred said, trying to pretend like nothing remotely out of the ordinary happened.

"Fancy seeing you here," George continued, quickly catching on to what his twin was doing.

"Lemon drop?" Dumbledore asked, pulling out the muggle candies from his pocket.

"Thanks," both boys said as they took each took one.

"Now I should give you a detention, but I've decided to try something different," Fred and George looked at each other, surprised. They weren't quite sure what their headmaster was going to do.

"Yo mama's so fat she's half American, half British and half Italian!" The twins stood there dumbfound. This wasn't what they expected at all.

"Right then. Off you go now," Dumbledore shooed them away with his hands before turning back around, and heading on his way.

**Ok I know this is short and slighty crappy and I'm really sorry for that. I'll try and make the next chapter extra long/awesome to make up for it (: I don't know when I'll be able to update though because I'm kinda suffering from a mild case of writers block. Sorry. Also, if any of you have ideas for yo mama jokes please feel free to PM me or write them in a review or something. Thanks to everyone who's been keeping up with this story and reviewing (: **


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. And thanks to **_**pitch5321 **_** and **_**chadders **_**for giving me the yo mama joke**_**s**_** for this one.**

Chapter 23

_Yo mama's so fat, she sat on a rainbow and Berttie Bott's Every Flavor Beans popped out!  
Yo mama's so stupid, she tripped over a cordless phone._

"OH MU—Granger!" Draco yelled, switching names at the last moment as he remembered what happened the last time he called Hermione a mudblood. She ignored him and kept walking, so he called again.

"I SAID GRANGER!"

"What is it Malfoy?" Hermione sighed, obviously not happy she had been stopped, and by Malfoy at that.

"Yo mama's so fat, she sat on a rainbow and Berttie Bott's Every Flavor Beans popped out!" He said hurridly, as if he just wanted to get it done and over with.

"…don't you mean skittles?" Hermione asked. She knew he didn't, but she loved the look on his face when she knew something he didn't.

"What are skittles?" Draco questioned with a puzzled look on his face.

"Oh never mind. I should expect you to know. Especially considering yo mama's so stupid, she tripped over a cordless phone,"

"What's a cordless phone?" Draco hated when Hermione did this. He hated feeling inferior to the stupid mudblood. Not that she was actually stupid, he just hated that she knew more than he did. And he hated when she made muggle references. He always felt like an idiot around her.

"Well, it's like a phon—oh wait. You don't know what a phone is, do you?" Hermione replied with a smirk.

"Oh sod off," He grumbled, then turned away. Why did he never learn? Lately every time they got into an argument, she ended up winning.

Hermione on the other hand, wore a face-splitting grin. She loved feeling superior to Draco. Maybe it was because for so long he managed to make her feel like crap. He still could if she let him. But she figured out a while ago that if she managed to sneak in muggle items into their verbal sparring, she would come out on top. And it felt good.

**So I quite like this chapter. I don't really know why, but I just do. So please review and tell me what you think (: And new yo mama jokes are always welcome. **


	24. End

**I'm really sorry, but I've decided that I'm not going to continue the Yo Mama jokes story, and instead I'm going to focus more on my story 20 Things Not to do at a Funeral. Please check it**** out (: And also please check out **_**The Diary of a Misunderstood Potter**_** by chadders, who is my amazing beta for **_**20 Things **_**(:**

**And I just ****started posting pictures on my flickr****, so if you guys could check that out and comment on my pictures, (just basically ad****vice, how I could improve, things like that) I would appreciate that very much.**

**flicker .com /photos /abbyyyk /page1 / **

**(just get rid of the spaces)**


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